Winter has arrived, and with it the Sofa Scratch Furniture Outlet Winter Sale. This year we are offering significant reductions on armchairs with only one remaining arm. These items are not damaged. They are, as our catalogue says, Streamlined.
Why one arm?
An armchair with two arms is conventional. An armchair with one arm is a statement. The missing arm tells a story, usually of a long and productive relationship with a cat. We have selected the finest examples from our storeroom and priced them to move.
The collection
- The Clawed Wing: a tall, upright chair, with a left arm worn to the frame
- The Reclining Ruin: a deep seat with no right arm and a faint smell of tuna
- The Gentle Slope: a low armchair with both arms reduced to a pleasant suggestion
- The Barely There: a chair that consists mostly of a cushion and a past
Special offers
For the duration of the sale, the following discounts apply:
- Ten percent off if you can sit in the chair without sliding
- Twenty percent off if the chair already has a cat in it
- Thirty percent off if the cat declines to move
- Forty percent off if you agree to take the cat
Winter care
Cold weather brings new challenges for furniture. Radiators dry out the fabric. Fires create smoky smells. Cats seek warm spots, and a warm spot is almost always an armchair. We therefore advise placing your armchair away from the radiator, and your cat away from the armchair. Both pieces of advice will be ignored.
Delivery
We offer free delivery on orders over a certain value, which we will not state, as our accountant is asleep. Delivery is carried out by a team of two people and one cat. The cat does not carry anything. She supervises, and chooses where the chair will go.
Staff favourites
Ottoman, our mascot, recommends the Reclining Ruin. ‘It has a certain dignity,’ he said, before climbing onto it and not getting off. Sir Clawson Davenport prefers the Barely There. ‘It asks nothing of me,’ he said.
Last words
The sale runs until the cushions are gone, or until the sun comes out, whichever comes first. Please visit the showroom, and bring a friend. If your friend is a cat, bring a second friend to carry the chair.