It happens in every showroom. You find the perfect sofa. It is the right colour, the right size, the right price. And on it, curled like a croissant, is a cat. The following advice may help you handle this situation with grace.
1. ‘Excuse me, I would like to sit there’
This is a request, and cats do not accept requests. They accept offers, in the form of treats. A cat who has been asked to move will not move. She will, instead, close her eyes and become heavier. Scientists call this the Weight Response. Staff call it Tuesday.
2. ‘Shoo’
Shooing is a gesture of the past. It does not work, and it is rude. A cat who has been shooed will remember it for years, and she will tell the other cats. You will find that your future visits are met with a cold stare from every cushion in the showroom.
3. ‘It is only a sofa’
It is not only a sofa. It is a kingdom. It is a throne. It is a warm, well loved place with a view of the door. To the cat, you are suggesting that she give up her home for a stranger. She would rather fall off.
4. ‘I will come back later’
Later is when the cat will still be there. Later is when she will have been joined by a second cat, a third and a small bag of crisps. The sofa will have been fully claimed. You will be offered a stool.
5. ‘How much for the cat?’
The cat is not for sale. She is a member of staff. She is on the payroll, in a manner of speaking, and paid in sleep. If you ask for the cat, a salesperson will politely offer you a different cat, who is even less likely to move.
What to say instead
- ‘What a lovely cat’
- ‘I think this sofa has found its owner’
- ‘May I look at the sofa next to it?’
- Nothing at all
A closing thought
The best approach is to sit next to the cat, quietly, and wait. In time she may offer a corner. In more time she may offer a lap. In very much more time, you may find that you have bought the sofa, the cat and a matching footstool.