Buying a sofa is a serious decision. It involves size, colour, comfort and the opinion of a household. In homes with cats, there is an additional factor: the cat has already made up its mind. This guide helps you navigate the process.
Step one: measure the room
Measure the length, width and height of the space. Measure the doorway. Measure the stairs. Then measure the cat, from nose to tail, because the sofa must be at least three times as long as the cat to allow for stretching.
Step two: choose the fabric
Fabric matters. Cats have strong opinions about texture. Leather is stylish but slippery. Velvet is soft but a magnet for fur. Tweed is rough and appealing. A tight weave is difficult to scratch. A loose weave is a gift.
At the Outlet we recommend a tight weave in a neutral colour. We also recommend accepting that this will make no difference.
Step three: test the sofa
- Sit on it, with your usual posture
- Lie on it, with your usual sigh
- Let the cat on it, and watch where she goes
- Observe whether she sits, scratches or leaves
The place she sits is the cushion you will lose. The place she scratches is the arm you will lose. The place she leaves is the end you will keep.
Step four: consider the colour
A sofa the same colour as your cat will hide fur. A sofa in a contrasting colour will highlight it. A sofa in a completely different colour will make the cat look elegant. We recommend the last option, as it gives the cat a sense of occasion.
Step five: protect your investment
Cover the sofa in a throw. Cover the throw in a second throw. Place a scratching post nearby. Place a second scratching post in front of the first. Place a third scratching post in a position that makes the cat feel clever. None of these will work.
Final advice
When all else fails, buy the sofa that the cat is already sitting on. It is the only one you will ever own. We have seen it happen. We have seen cats walk into the showroom, climb onto a sofa and refuse to leave. We have sold the sofa, with the cat, at a modest discount.
This guide is a parody and offers no real advice about sofas or cats.