We receive a great number of letters. Some contain complaints. Some contain thanks. This month’s letter contains both, and a small amount of fur. It was written by Mr Hugo Pemberley, a customer of long standing.
Dear Sofa Scratch, I bought your Bean Bag, Reserved, last winter. It was described as comfortable and spacious. I have since discovered that it is Reserved in a literal sense. My cat, Princess, sits in it from morning until night. I have not once been able to use it. I would like to know what I can do.
Our reply
Dear Mr Pemberley,
Thank you for your letter. We are delighted to hear that Princess is enjoying her bean bag. We are sorry to hear that you are not. We can confirm that the product is working exactly as described. It is reserved. We did not state for whom.
Your options
We have identified several ways in which you might regain access:
- Wait. The cat will eventually leave to eat, and you will have a window of four to six minutes
- Purchase a second bean bag, for the human, and place it nearby
- Attempt to share, by sitting on the edge, an experience many describe as ‘tolerated’
- Replace Princess, which we do not recommend
On sharing
Joint ownership of a bean bag is possible but delicate. The human may occupy up to one third, provided the cat does not object. The cat must be consulted. The cat will say nothing and look at you. This is a no.
Our suggestion
We suggest you buy the Two Seat Bean Bag, which is large enough to hold a human and a cat. The cat will sit in the middle. The human will sit on the edge, with a sense of gratitude. This is the happiest arrangement we have seen.
From the founder
Sir Clawson Davenport added, ‘I have not sat in my own armchair since March. I now sit on the footstool. It is not as good, but it is mine.’ He then asked if we could stop quoting him on matters of personal furniture.
We wish you and Princess a long and comfortable partnership. Please keep us informed. A discount on a second bean bag is available on request.